The shit that people do...

If I'm known for anything it's not my intellectual prowess or fantastic sense of humor, it's my ability to find absolute crap on the internet and share it with you all whether you like it or not.

This little gem, however, I must to attribute to a dear friend of mine, who sent me this in a private message. Darling, I'm sorry, but I have to share this with everyone I know.

Here, my lovelies, in honour to those who are just getting into the series, and also to those whom are eagarly awaiting the upcoming flick 'New Moon', is a tribute to the shit that extremely obsessed people do.





TATTOOS!!!! What better way to show your devotion to a series that you love oh so much. That's right ladies and the odd enthusiastic gents, if you haven't already thought about it, why not permantly brand your love and devotion to the Twilight saga by getting a Twilight inspired tattoo. Here are some ideas and designs for you to consider.



This is a favourite amongst most girls. Its fulfills its purpose as catching the eyes of many, and detering any future male attention FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Not that you would mind. You belong to Edward Cullen after all. Forever.



Some would say this is a bit too much. Others may say it's not enough. I say, it says it all.



Just when you thought it couldn't go any further with just the odd 'Edward and Bella' reference, here comes the Cullen Crest!!!!!! The Cullen's Forever!!! Cause Lord knows no one else will have a bar of you.



The 'stupid lamb' in this tattoo holds a double meaning.



And in case you meet someone who hasn't read the books yet, have a copy conveniently on you...literally.

For more Twilght tattoos you can have a look here.

Wha???

Tell me exactly where it was along track that we have forgotten the meaning of the word FICTION.

If you haven't yet heard of this news, let me break it down for you.

You may have already seen the posters, or even perhaps the trailer, for the upcoming horror movie titled 'Orphan'. The tagline of it reads 'there's something wrong with Esther'.

Looks alright, entertaining, something I wouldn't mind seeing on tightarse Tuesday. It's a bit of 'The Omen' mixed in with 'The Good Son' (which was a wicked WICKED film, I must see it again soon). All in all, it looks like an ok story.

Opertaive word here is STORY!!

As is seen from the Perez post above, adoption groups have rallied together in a protest against the film.

The Canadian Press has reported that critics of the film claim that an anti- adoption message is relayed to the audience. The adoption groups are not only calling for a boycott of the film, but are determined to meet with the CEO of Warner Bros himself, Barry Meyer, to discuss their concerns.

In response, Warner Bros has expressed intention of placing a pro- adoption message with the films DVD release. I wonder if it will go along the following lines:

"This movie may contain images of adopted children doing wrong. This is intended to fall along with the genre of horror. Warner Bros have produced this work of FICTION to make money. We have no actual interest in orphans what so ever. If you want to adopt one, that's your business. All we care about is the $30.00 fee you've paid to buy this DVD. Thank you for your business."

That there is the REALITY of the situation.

The REALITY is that Warner Bros appreciates the attention. This for them is free publicity, and now a movie which may have seemed mundane is now intriguing. What's more alluring than a film that a group of people don't want you to see?

The REALITY is that we KNOW that orphans are in fact children and not demon beings, and as such they deserve all the love, care and attention that all children deserve.

The REALITY is that Orphan is not the first movie of its kind.

Who can remember the 1990 hit 'Problem Child'? The story of a young orphan boy adopted by a childless couple, and what seems to be a match made in heaven turns to all sorts of bad, because the young boy is actually a little shit, and all mayhem ensues.

Nobody seemed to believe that the message of this film was 'don't adopt.' On the contrary, everybody seemed to like this film. In fact, the audience liked this film so much that the studio decided to go ahead and make the sequel, aptly titled 'Problem Child 2', where the there was not only one, but TWO little monster children wreaking havoc on society.

It must be said, I understand the advocacy groups concern. However, I think that this is all blown a tad out of proportion. At the end of the day, the movie is what it is, A MOVIE. It is FICTION. Nobody out there actually believes that orphans are damaged goods, or possesed by the devil, or cursed.

And if there is a film to be blamed for all the hoopla, then I present you with the culprit.

My Time with Brother John

On this wonderfully grey, overcast, windy day my sister and I set out to meet my dad for lunch. He would like to take us out on account of it having been my birthday. Usually, this is a pretty standard event. Having been a stickler for order all his life dad likes nothing more than going to the same restraurant on Lygon St. and ordering the steak, with tiramisu for dessert and tia maria to go with it.

Recently though, dad's been going for some major changes. Call it midlife crisis, or putting some spice in your life, dad is looking to try something new. Usually it's a bit hit and miss...like Brother John's.

We begin our cullinary journey in Sassafras, home of Miss Marple's Tea Room, Tea Leaf and The Sassafras Oracle. Lovely day out...if the sun is out to join you. Needless to say, if it's cold and grey in your neighbourhood, it's colder in the mountains.

Brother John's sits on top of a hill. As you drive towards it, signs with blairing red font scream at you: SOUP WE HAVE SOUP!!! SCONES WE HAVE SCONES!!! CARPARK WE HAVE A CARPARK!!!

How delightful.

Upon finding the

ENTRANCE WE HAVE AN ENTRANCE sign, you head towards the door and are faced with a small white chapel, ready to be booked, by you. How do I know this? Well, I saw the sign.

Before I could read on about bookings for weddings, an lovely ederly gentleman greets us. Looking rather frail and barely able to walk he shows to our table...outside. Yes, it seems that everyone is to be seated outside for lunch today. Don't worry, we were shielded from the wind and cold by plastic sheets.

I was more worried for the gentleman who was showing us to our table, I felt as if he should be sitting down and I should be bringing him the cup of tea. Despite his frail appearance, he was extremely happy-go-lucky, striking up conversation and giving me a random cuddle as I sat down. Whilst embracing me, he went on to show me the special board and what was what in the menu. I wasn't quite sure what to make of that, or the menu.

Brother John's prides itself on its soups and scones. Everything else...hmmm. The Parma was below average, the salad was made the day before, and there was this thing in a little bowl that came with it. I don't know what it was, and I don't know why I was given it. Upon first glance it looks like a smashed up boiled egg. Putting it to the nose it does not smell of egg. Poking it, it wobbles. Feeling brave, I place a little on my fork and pop it in my mouth. There's cream, coconut, peach and pineapple. I've never had anything like it before. Dad looked at it and ate it. He doesn't like wasting money you see. The words that came out of his mouth were 'Peach Melba.' Good people of Melbourne, please let me know: what is a Peach Melba and is it supposed to look like that? What was stranger than recieving what ever that was on my plate was the background music playing at Brother John's. There is no real triumph in eating your chicken parma to the tune of the Paso Doble.

Dessert was just as gross, and really it was enough to put you in a foul mood. Until I turned around and saw a giant Andre Rieu poster staring me in the face. Next to that a giant homemade banner: "Andre Rieu brings JOY TO THE WORLD".

I have seen and heard enough.

Promptly after discovering this banner I took a photo of it and sent it to Haylee, Dave and Mel. Haylee sent a message back which rang very true:

"Only YOU would end up in a place like that."

Indeed.

More often than not I do seem to find myself in places and situations that look like they've been torn from the pages of an American sitcom. Why this happens I do not know. I'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason though, and if there is one reason I can find within this strange and bizarre experience it is to tell you, don't go to Brother John's--unless it is a practical joke.