One night, at Kouzina

I've mentioned this before, going out to lunch or dinner with dad often presents lack lustre company at times, and even more lack lustre food. Last night's dinner was, of course, no exception.

Now, please don't think of me as a snob. I love a good restaurant/bar as much as the next person, but the word "good" is a huge requirement if I'm going to have any chance of enjoying it. Now, I'm not a food critic, and I hardly think that being addicted to Masterchef really qualifies me of being some kind of food expert, however, I guarantee you that this place was pretty bad by anyone's standard.

First, the service. Rude. And to be honest, after having a rather hard day of having to fend off a rude customer that night, I was hardly going to go to a restaurant to fend off a rude waiter. Getting a mere glass of water seemed like such a hard task for the staff. Nobody offered, and when you went to ask they would talk over you and walk off before you even finished the question. I did however get a pot of peppermint tea near the end of the night, but was told to be careful drinking it, because "pouring and drinking tea can be tricky, you could spill it on yourself."

Second, the main. We all ordered the same thing, the salt and pepper calamari, which bothered me a little because that's just my personal pet peeve. I've always had this thing that when you go out to eat, everyone should get something different from the menu so that you have more of a variety on the table when you pick at someone else's dish, and also that you make the most of what you eat. I was going to change my mind, but at this point I was so damn hungry I didn't care. But let's put that aside, because that's not the point. The point is to tell you about the dish, not my pet peeves. So, the salt and pepper calamari. There really was no salt and pepper on it, but there was plenty of batter. The lemon wedge came covered in chives and dill. There was an 'ouzo aioli' which tasted like mayo from a jar with nothing else infused in it, and the 'fresh garden salad' was anything but. I ate it because I was starving, and compared to what I had next, it wasn't too bad.

Third, the creme brulee. I saw it on the menu and had to have it. I love creme brulee. However it wasn't until I ordered it that I realised it was a Fig and Rosemary creme brulee, which came with a pistachio ice-cream (not too bad) with some sort of pink musk meringue concoction on the top. In the middle of the plate there were candied olives...not my thing. Anyone out there have candied olives? Be interested to know whether you like them. I thought they were pretty foul. And then comes the creme brulee, with a sprig of rosemary perched in the middle. The ever exciting crack of the brulee was dull, as the spoon bounced off the custard goo. Initially all you can taste is rosemary, and then further on down there was this clump of fig sitting there in the middle, grey and bland.

It was really atrocious. Who thought up of this dessert? What is wrong with just serving a creme brulee? Did the chef who came up with this dish burn his taste buds?

Someone once asked me the question, would I prefer a bad sex or bad food. My answer was that I have had bad sex before and come to expect it more in my life time than bad food. After last night, my answer is definite. I would rather have a life of bad sex than bad food. Bad sex does not sit heavy in your stomach churning and begging to brought back up again. Bad sex is something you can get over, bad food stays with you for a little bit longer.

I-Pad Schmi- pad

Ok, so, am I the only one who doesn't really see the big deal with this i-pad?

"It's the Internet in your hands."

It's an over sized i-phone. It looks stupid.

"You're only saying that because you don't have one."

I have a computer. It's actually a Mac Book. I'm one of those semi- recently converted. I love my Mac Book. I wouldn't claim it to be an extension of who I am, but it has made my life somewhat substantially easier. I don't see how the i-pad can do that for me.

"You can surf the web."

I can do that on my computer.

"It has 3G."

Doesn't the i-phone have that as well?

"Yeah but...the i-phone is too small..."

So you've gone with something bigger? I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me. I still don't get what the big deal is. Stephen Colbert put it perfectly: "You can surf the Internet on it, and just like the i-phone, you can't make any calls." He boasted as he was showing off his.

The thing is, no matter how hard you try, you're not going to get me convinced.

"But you can read books from it."

Yeah? I can read books from my book shelf too, what else is new? Just admit it. You've been brainwashed. You've forked out a fuck load of money AGAIN for a giant i-phone AGAIN and now you're trying to justify it.

i- pad? i- fad more like.

Doing it wrong

Hello...*sneeze*

Whoops, I let it get a little dusty in here hey?

It's been a while. *sheepish grin*

I'm sorry. I've been...busy.

I know its no excuse but, what can I say? Sometimes its just hard to do take care of everything in a day. 24 hours is not enough you know. They should really speak to someone about extending that...I mean, who needs sleep? Really.

In one of my classes today, we had a lesson on journal writing. I know, can you believe it? Journal writing. As part of our internship and research, we must submit a reflective journal detailing our experiences and thoughts of the organisation which we've worked with. Journals are huge with arts and cultural studies and practice, good thing I love keeping one. Works for me.

We were given a instructive course on good Journal maintenance. Seems pretty straight forward but you would be surprised at how the concept of keeping a journal escapes people. At least it surprised me. I've been a journal writer since I was four. Nothing to be impressed about, I could barely write let alone spell, but the practice and general intention was there.

Apparently it's good practice to write in your journal everyday for at least 10- 15 minutes. You must be frank and honest. You must not delay or procrastinate with your writing. And most importantly, you must write in the same bound book every entry--meaning no writing anything down on a random piece of paper only to paste it in later.

I thought about my personal journal, my blogs, and my writing habits in general...

Nothing like a short course in: "You're doing it wrong."

:-/

What Australian Television?

To quote a friend's facebook status:

"H------ C------ knows that she just wasted 2 hours of her life watching the Maria Korp story. But it does beg the question, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH AUSTRALIAN TELEVISION."

I was asking myself the very same question this morning. I believe that in an earlier post I made a complaint against the Australian content free to air viewers are subjected to on commercial channels.

In recent years we've seen Channel 9 recycle it's 'Underbelly' series like its going out of fashion, Channel 10 hoeing into reality television competitions that they are beginning to cross pollinate, and Channel 7 making their own generic versions of the same shit. The latest offering to come from them is "The Bounce", a football variety show in the same guise of The Footy Show and that other show on Channel 10. 'The Bounce' will be hosted by Peter Helliar.

I am pretty close to throwing my television out of my window.

People! Join me on this one. I believe between the however many thousands of us combined, I am sure we have more than enough talent between us to write and produce original Australian content of some sort of integrity. Surely that's possible. Let's work together so that Peter Helliar doesn't have to. For the good of the country, let's make it so!

RE: Winter Olympics Coverage

Dear Channel 9,

First of all, may I congratulate you on taking the initiative of exclusively covering the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics for free to air television. I personally am a fan of the Winter Olympics and am excited to see it on my telly.

That's as far as that complement goes. That will also be my only compliment.

I'm basically looking for answers.

1. Who's responsible for putting together your "commentary team"?

Out of the 22 people you have on your "expert and opinion" panel, only 2 are actual winter Olympians. And even then, what expertise can they offer? I haven't seen any expert opinion from Alisa Camplin since her advice on chewing Extra for healthy teeth and guns. And Steven Bradbury? Really? I know Australians have a sense of humour and all but...really?

2. This is not so much a question as it is a fact: Gian Rooney and Grant Hackett are swimmers. Just thought you would like to know. You do realise the only water about this particular Olympics is ice and snow right?

3. What is it with you and the Stevanovic family? They've got dirt on you don't they? They've got photos of you in compromising positions, and threaten you with them everyday, don't they? I refuse to believe they actually qualify as journalists.

4. Mick Molloy is not funny, when will you learn?

5. My non-existent left nut knows more about the Winter Olympics than Eddie McGuire. Why? Why would you put him on there? Has he ever played a sport in his life? Honestly, what made you look at him and think: "Here's a guy who knows his winter sports." I doubt the man has built a snowman, and even if he has, I bet he was still confused over the process. He's a moron.

And finally, if I hear: "This is exactly the sort of pressure that Cathy Freeman was under", I swear to god...

Kind Regards,

V.

Breast Feeding, get the fuck over it.

BREAST IS BEST --- FOR TEENS, TOO.

See that headline, and anyone's eye is bound to get caught on that. I must say, I was certainly intrigued. What did this headline mean? Was the article about teen pregnancy and the importance of breastfeeding, or was it a study that revealed that we should be breastfed up until our teens? Either way, I was confused--and disturbed, and so I clicked the link to find out more.

Lo and behold, it was another study to which highlighted the marvelous benefits of the tit and the milk it produces. Brilliant. Is there nothing that this milk can't do? Well, wash my car and cure cancer for one thing, but you know, that's beside the point. This recent study has revealed that the benefits of breastfeeding are long lasting enough to extend well into our teens. A study comparing siblings that were breastfed to those that were fed on formula showed that the breastfed babies had better chances of academic success in terms of completing high school and university. Furthermore, those who were fed on formula grew hunchbacks and lived in a cathedral destined to ring bells. Okay, I may have exaggerated that.

Now, apparently because this is the first study to use siblings as its research subjects, external uncontrolable influcences such as parental genetics and environmental influences did not have to be taken into account.

Give me a fucking break.

You know what got me through finishing high school and university? My mother's iron fist. Her tits had nothing to do with it. If I wagged school, if I produced average marks, if I did not have a career plan by the time I was 17, my mother would have my arse. And you know what? It worked. Not only have I finished high school, I'm also finishing a Masters degree and to top it all off, I grew up a formula baby. That's right you mothers, I was an S26 baby, and shock horror, I'm not deformed.

Other influences don't have to be taken into account my arse. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Seriously, shove your study, there are more pressing matters at hand. Like the fact that after all this time, nobody can tell why Paula Abdul is dancing with a cartoon cat. Is it because she was, or wasn't breastfed?

Over 100,000 people are feared dead in Haiti, and aid cannot come fast enough.

Tele-evangelist Pat Robertson claims that Haiti had it coming because they made a "pact with the devil."

I'd like to think of myself as an intelligent person. I usually can grasp the most complex of theories and what not, but I have gone through this "Robertson" logic and can still make no sense of it, perhaps you can help:

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it...They were under the heel of the French ... and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French.' True story. And the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal,'..ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another."

???

Robertson isn't the first to throw the 'they had it coming' line. When a devastating earthquake hit China in 2008, Sharon Stone piped up to say that it was all just a case of 'bad karma.' At a red carpet event, Sharon took time out of her self- indulgent day to grace us all with her words of wisdom:

"The Chinese have not been very nice to the Dalai Lama, who is a very good friend of mine... Then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened and I thought is that karma? When you're not nice, that the bad things happen to you?"

50 years old, and she sounds like she's still in kindergarten. Incidentally, I have also come across 5 year olds who have a more heightened sense of moral consciousness than Mr. Robertson.

However, I don't know what is more troubling: the fact that these people have a voice, or that there are hoards of people who agree with them.

But hey, apparently its all going to be OK, because Danni Minogue is pregnant and Kylie is just overjoyed.

*slaps forehead*