Well, actually, what I'm writing about here are the Top 10 films I would love to see made, but will be too afraid to see them because of the possibility of disappointment.
Over this past decade we have seen an influx of films being made which have been inspired, based upon or adapted from childhood super heroes, television series and beloved stories and novels.
Both generation X and Y have been in a flurry of excitement upon the news that the Transformers, and Alvin and the Chipmunks were coming back to us, reverting us all back to our 7 year old selves as we remembered how hard we hit the pavement to run home from school to watch our favourite shows.
I was more excited for Alvin than I was about the Transformers. I friggin loved that show. The movie was bad, but...so good! You know, in that weird way.
Most recently there's so much anticipation over The Fantastic Mr. Fox, a book which I have never read but will be nonetheless eager to see. I had never been exposed the Where The Wild Things Are as a child, but I very much enjoyed the film, so I hope that Mr. Fox will be just as agreeable.
Indeed there have been so many movies which I have loved. However, there have been many which have severely disappointed and some which I have down right refused to see.
Twilight for instance (yes, I am one of those) was one which I was furious with, and although I went to see it 6 times, and have the DVD and the soundtrack, I still think it one of the worst films ever made, and one of the worst novel adaptations.
Speaking of which, My Sister's Keeper is a film which I refuse to see after hearing the changes they had made to the story. Changing the ages of the siblings, who are the central characters to the story, in order to accommodate for Cameron fucken Diaz was one which I was willing to overlook, but then to hear that they had changed the ending! The ending which, as a friend so eloquently put it, "makes the story". An ending which haunted me for weeks after I had read it. Abominable. A plague I say. A plague upon that studio. A plague. Indeed.
But with all these stories which have been told, there are many which still remain untold. This following list is some what of a fantasy list. These are the films I would love to see made...but am really scared that the wrong people will make them.
10. The BFG
I friggin love Roald Dahl. My childhood is defined by many TV shows and authors and Roald Dahl is indeed one of them. Matilda was the first book I had read in one sitting, and straight after that one came The BFG. I loved it. It was magic and its one of the few of Dahl classics which have not yet been made into a film. Which is a shame. Someone get Peter Jackson on the phone and find a quirky looking British orphan and make it happen. Just stick to the book and don't add anything to it. And whatever you do, don't involve Stephen Spielberg or George Lucas otherwise we could possibly have another bizarre experience ala Indiana Jones IV. *shudder*
9. The Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Folk of the Faraway Tree
If The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was made, why oh why did no one think to start producing this Enid Blyton series? Maybe its because of cousins Dick and Fanny...or perhaps the Golliwogs are enough to put people off, but I have been told that Dick and Fanny have been changed to 'Rick and Franny', and Golliwogs are now 'Gollies'. But when you're a child you don't have any concept of what it is to be politically correct. All you know from reading this is that 3 kids moved from city to country and made friends with strange folks who live in a giant tree. A tree that has a ladder at the top that leads to a portal to magic lands that come and go as they please. Oh! Give me more!!!! Why is this not a film!!!!!
I want to see Moonface and the slippery dip. I want to watch the people duck Mrs. Wash-a-lot's dirty washing water as she pours it down the tree. I want to see grumpy Mr. Watsizname and how he be-friends The Saucepan Man. And I want to see Silky make her pop biscuits. I want to get excited watching them climb the ladder and see what land they enter and how long they have there before the land moves away from the tree. I want to see night parties in the Enchanted Forest with the faeries and goblins and gnomes. I want to hear the talking trees.
But perhaps these things are best left in your imagination. And knowing our luck, some studio will probably make The Wishing Chair before they make The Enchanted Wood. Incidentally, as much as I love Enid Blyton, I can not give her props on some of the sequel titles she came up with. I speak of the sequel to The Wishing Chair...The Wishing Chair Again. Lame. But that's another rant entirely. However, whilst on the topic of Enid Blyton, I would love to see The Naughtiest Girl in the School made into a television series. I think that would be charming.
8. The Jetsons
If they could make The Flinstones (twice), Scooby Doo (twice) and Josie and the Pussycats, surely, but surely, they would have the foresight to make The Jetsons.
I always thought The Jetsons to be the more superior Hana Barbera cartoon back in the day, which tackled the issues of man enslaving fellow man in the name of corporate America. In this case, corporate America takes over space. Spacely Sprockets CEO Mr. Spacely (played by Danny Devito) enslaves George Jetson (William H. Macy) to do his bidding. George meanwhile is in emotional turmoil as he tries to balance commitments between work and family (his ever loving wife, Jane, played by Diane Lane, and kids Judy and Elroy...remain uncast. Perhaps Amanda Bines for Judy? I don't know). Obviously there still needs to be a little more storyboarding, but I think this is a film which is possible and has potential.
7. Captain Planet.
EARTH, FIRE, WIND, WATER, HEART
- Heart?
- Yes Heart.
- What does Heart do?
- It...um..it...shut up. All I know is, is that when all those powers combine Captain Planet comes, and he doesn't come without heart and we need heart. So shut the hell up.
But think about it. Global warming, Environmental Activist rioting--if there was ever a time we needed Captain Planet most, it's now.
6. 'One Day' (title to be worked on)
This one is a fantasy of mine, but I've always thought there should be a film made about the introduction of the One Day International series. Because that would be awesome. Think of the soundtrack people! I'd also like to see 'Gold: The Steven Bradbury Story'. Spandau Ballet would make that soundtrack. ;-)
5. Elizabeth and Mary
Based on the historical accounts on their relationship as detailed by Jane Dunn in the book of the same title. The film would be about the relationship between Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth I. But I'm a sucker for medieval history so that could be just me who wants this film to be made. But it would be brilliant if made. I promise.
4. The life and times of Christopher Marlowe.
Tim Burton directs it. Johnny Depp is in it. Wicked. Just so friggin wicked.
3. The Obernewtyn Chronicles
Terry Gilliam. If these Chronicles were to be ever made, he would be the one to do it. He was actually going to make Mervyn Pyke's Gormenghast from the Gormenghast Trilogy but gave up because it seemed too ambitious. I would still like to see Gilliam make that film, but I think he needs to warm up with The Obernewtyn Chronicles. Only Gilliam can do it. Trust me.
2. Montana 1948
This was my favourite book to read in high school. I read it five times over. It's brilliant. I love it. If you haven't read this book, do it. It's got everything you could ever want in it, and if made right, the movie would be just as awesome.
1. It's a tie....
I know it's unfair, and not really traditional of a top 10 list, but its my list and I can do whatever the hell I want with it.
So at number one, we have a tie between:
Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. A story told through the eyes of a 15 year old autistic boy with a photographic memory.
and Jostein Gaarder's The Solitare Mystery. The story of a young boy who discovers philosophy with a magnifying glass he was given by a mysterious man, and a small book he found in a sticky bun.
Tell me you would not see these films if I could make them for you. My future top 10.
What's yours?
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