Breast Feeding, get the fuck over it.

BREAST IS BEST --- FOR TEENS, TOO.

See that headline, and anyone's eye is bound to get caught on that. I must say, I was certainly intrigued. What did this headline mean? Was the article about teen pregnancy and the importance of breastfeeding, or was it a study that revealed that we should be breastfed up until our teens? Either way, I was confused--and disturbed, and so I clicked the link to find out more.

Lo and behold, it was another study to which highlighted the marvelous benefits of the tit and the milk it produces. Brilliant. Is there nothing that this milk can't do? Well, wash my car and cure cancer for one thing, but you know, that's beside the point. This recent study has revealed that the benefits of breastfeeding are long lasting enough to extend well into our teens. A study comparing siblings that were breastfed to those that were fed on formula showed that the breastfed babies had better chances of academic success in terms of completing high school and university. Furthermore, those who were fed on formula grew hunchbacks and lived in a cathedral destined to ring bells. Okay, I may have exaggerated that.

Now, apparently because this is the first study to use siblings as its research subjects, external uncontrolable influcences such as parental genetics and environmental influences did not have to be taken into account.

Give me a fucking break.

You know what got me through finishing high school and university? My mother's iron fist. Her tits had nothing to do with it. If I wagged school, if I produced average marks, if I did not have a career plan by the time I was 17, my mother would have my arse. And you know what? It worked. Not only have I finished high school, I'm also finishing a Masters degree and to top it all off, I grew up a formula baby. That's right you mothers, I was an S26 baby, and shock horror, I'm not deformed.

Other influences don't have to be taken into account my arse. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Seriously, shove your study, there are more pressing matters at hand. Like the fact that after all this time, nobody can tell why Paula Abdul is dancing with a cartoon cat. Is it because she was, or wasn't breastfed?